Listening With My Heart...

... is the name of one of the books I ordered for my 'library'.  It came in the mail today.  I can't wait to read it!  It's about a deaf girl who was Miss America 1995.  She talks about her faith in God, her spirit of determination, and her hard work to never give into voices of discouragement despite her challenges.  Sounds like the kind of read I need!


I have much support from friends and friends of friends.  Most people have told me that they think we're doing a great thing.  Some family members are concerned that this is a burden too heavy to bear.  I am discouraged by negative words.  I am.  I can't help it.  Thank you Lord that the support outweighs the negative.  I just think maybe they're scared for us and our kids, and they can't help but react that way.  I just know that when they see him they will love him.  How could any human being not?  I know God wouldn't give me anything I couldn't bear.  We all face hardships and burdens.  But this is a life!  A beating heart.... living, breathing, thriving little body that needs nuturing.  Needs touch.  Needs a 'momma'.  And I want to be that momma!  Thank you God that Ron wants to be his daddy!  And thank you God that my girls have huge hearts that hold enough love to WANT another brother.  Thank you that they already say, "My brother Chen Chen". 


I found Alex yesterday laying in my bed practicing sign.  She wants her brother home...Now THAT'S me listening with my heart...

Selling, selling, selling...

So, with the help of my mom, sister, and dear friends...Ron and me may decide to have a bull roast or bake sales, or something like it to try to raise some money for our boy.  Poor Ron, I am selling everything I can on Craigslist to put some money aside...he said to me today "Uh, I am gonna come home one day and everything will be gone?"  lol....You know what I told him?   "Honey, don't worry--it's less to move one day!"

 This is so different for me because I usually GIVE everything away just to get rid of it.  Material things have very little value to me.  A few keepsakes here and there are special but that's it.  As a matter of fact, I am learning through this whole process that I have done nothing but WASTE money ALL my life.  I have always had a 'gotta have it now' mentality.  Unfortunately,  Ron has (almost) never told me 'no', and provided whatever I wanted regardless of the cost.  Shame on me!  I am 42 years old and just realizing this!  I don't even WANT to think about what lessons that has shown my kids.  I am pretty disgusted as I walk around my house and look at all of the wasted money!  I could have had 10 adopted kids (ok, I really wouldn't want 10, but you get my point) by now!

I have started buying some books for myself AND for Chen Chen (that's his given name but only from the institution-we'll change it--maybe Vincenzo--that has 'chen' in the middle) on Half.com so that we can have a little 'library' of sign books for when he comes home.  The books for me are more about what to expect as an adoptive parent.  His are much more fun and colorful (I recommend that website highly!  You can get used books soooo cheap!!! ) .  Can you imagine what it will be like on a flight home from China with a deaf child? LOL...I am crazy, I know...but it's God that gave me this heart for him, so I know He will help me.

By the way, I found that the books I ORDERED for him are ALSO on the Deaf Society recommended list. Funny, huh?  I had no idea!

Ok, enough for tonight....Please pray for us!!  And thank you!!!!

Humbled

Okay, so I started this blog to keep everyone informed of the steps along the way.  I think it's more for me to journal my feelings and to keep my mind busy!

Last night a friend and former co-worker made a donation for our fund.  I don't know how much she donated yet, but I don't care if it's one dollar!  What I do care about is that I know God is humbling me in this whole process.  I have never asked for anything from anyone--I have always been the one to give, whether it be my time, compassion, money--whatever...does not matter.  I am on the other end now.  I believe God is teaching me humility and using it to diminish any pride left in me.  Thank you, Barbie and Matt.  She told me her little adopted son prays for my little boy every night.  That's enough to humble anyone!

I woke up this morning thinking about him.  His little picture dances through my mind everyday.  I hold my kids, kiss their faces and wonder if I'll ever be able to do that to him.  I wish I could show you his picture, but it is forbidden to do so unless he is mine.  Which, I believe he will be!!

Happy Sunday to all!!