Because in my flesh, I know that a mere doctor is going to drill hole into my baby's skull. I've seen the CAT scan and how closely the facial nerve lies to the cochlea. Sure, I've heard the surgeon tell me that he has 'plenty of room' in my baby's head to not 'hit' that nerve that may cause paralysis. I've heard him tell me how successful this type of surgery is. I've spoken with the audiologist, the psychiatrist, the speech therapist...the list goes on. I've researched the internet until my brain was overwhelmed. I've talked to others who've had the surgery and tell me that is SO worth it. Nonetheless, I sit here and fret. About the surgery. About the recovery. About the ENTIRE decision I've made for my son who has NO idea what is about to happen. And suppose...just for a moment...that something bad DOES happen? Here I am, making a life altering decision for Jace without his opinion! Without his approval! Without any knowledge of his whatsoever! Suppose he LOVES a silent world. After all, he is SO happy. ALL OF THE TIME! What if he hates the sound of people talking on the street? Or background noise? What if he doesn't want to hear a car horn...or a siren...or WOSRE... the filth that so frequently comes from a mouth without a conscious....
But what about the beautiful things that he has missed out on hearing? Like the birds in the morning-calling to a darkened world-to arise and greet the sunshine! Or the rhythmic sound of raindrops that falls on the window as we settle in for a nap...the giggle of a baby...the 'pop' of a toaster...the VOICE of a momma telling him that she LOVES her baby boy. Oh, how I wait for the day that Jace hears my voice! Will it be a whisper? Or will it be a drawn out, 2 syllable 'Jaa-ace'? It doesn't matter, does it? He will hear my voice! And it is my voice!...I pray he will embrace it! Even the sheep know the voice of the Shepherd! And so the day is coming...
