USICS APPROVAL!!!

Can you believe it???? I got the approval?? And what is so cool is, that I had ordered something online that had 'mother' written in Chinese ( I copied off my buddy Rebekah who was gifted one in Amharic) and it arrived at the same time! Thank you, GOD!!!

He is so good to me--and I am so undeserving! You may read what I write and think I am doing such a good thing, but what you don't see is the real me. The me that is unrefined. Sure, I can write about my feelings and how excited I am. Or the books I read or the plans I have for our future with Jace. But I never share the bitterness I harbor day-to-day, or the way I talked sharply to my kids--or even to my husband. And then there's the 'potty mouth' I tend to have when I am angry! I never share the 'nasty' thoughts I have about something--or even some'one'. God sees passed my sin-the very sin He knew I'd commit, despite my love for Him. To know He loves me no matter what-- THAT is unthinkable to me. Incomprehensible. I ask myself why? Why would God choose me for Jace's mom? Why would He trust me? I am certainly NOT the most patient person! Ask my kids, they will tell you! On second thought, better not ask my kids, because they WILL tell you...

My point is, I pray over EVERYTHING I do for this adoption and I trust Him to bring it to completion. I tell myself 'if something doesn't happen the way I want it to, too bad! God is in control'. Why should God make this happen for me? Why should He answer all my prayers when I am not giving Him anything in return? Especially when I am breaking promises to Him, or I am willfully sinning against Him?

This is what comes to my mind--Because He has started a work within me. A work that only He can begin and bring to fruition. This adoption wasn't MY idea. It wasn't Ron's idea..it was God's idea! Only God can refine me. Only God can bring patience. Only God can bring LOVE. I love Jace--I have NEVER met this little boy. What could possibly make me love him like that? It is a love that only God brings to Jace through me. Thank you, GOD!!!