The Spirit Within

Still no word on the local police clearance. I called my SW worker today and she assured me she would handle it. Now that I think of it, my siding piece isn't fixed either...lol..deer season is a holiday all in itself here in Shrewsbury.

So, it's 5 am and I have been annoyingly awake since 2:30 am...Mom always says that when your spirit feels restless it's the Holy Spirit trying to get your attention. Experiencing this to be true in past circumstances, I am always inclined to pray. Sometimes, I wake up with a person on my heart and I pray for them. Other times I'll give prayers of repentance, guidance, spiritual growth or anything else I can think of. So that's what I did this morning. I prayed, and prayed and prayed. I covered each child, friend and family member that I felt led to. I repented over each 'wrong' I could think of. Still nothing.

As I sit here in my bed this morning journaling my thoughts, I have a little warm body next to me. Now, I have to tell you that in my house we play musical beds. No one is ever in the right bed. You never know where a Pierro child may end up sleeping. Except for Nicholas. Nicholas will seek me out in the night no matter where he is. The house is pitch black, but no lights are needed. Ever since Nicholas could walk he has always wandered about the house in the middle of the night looking for me. We always called him "bat boy". He doesn't need to see--like a bat he feels his way back to his nest. There hasn't been a day I can remember without him next to me when I awake. Nothing pulls at a mothers' heart strings more than to feel a chubby toddler arm around her neck for cuddling. My dad asked Nicholas 2 weeks ago why he always wants to sleep in mommy's bed. My little guy replied, 'Because I like to. It smells like mommy.'

I look at my son laying next to me, sleeping peacefully and wonder when I will finally get to see Jace in moments like these. Here is Nick sleeping so soundly that even in sleep he is comforted by his mothers' smell. With every breath that rises and falls from his little chest he has a sense of security and belonging. Security that only a family can bring. Will Jace ever have that? Will there come a day that he will also know that he is loved abundantly? Even subconsciously? Will he feel safe and have a sense of belonging?

That will be my next prayer this morning. I will pray that the Lord will prepare the heart of this little one from China. Prepare him for tumultuous times and changes ahead. For a trip around the world into the arms of a family that will adore him. A family that will nurture him and embrace his special needs. I will pray for this family to be patient and sensitive to the habits and behaviors that life in an institution brings. Behaviors of survival. That's all he knows, really. Lord, prepare our hearts as well. Give us compassion to see beyond the behavior and help us to heal a broken spirit. A broken heart who must have known his own mothers smell in his beginning months. Help me balance the love throughout this house and fill all the 'love tanks' within it...

It is in Jesus' name I pray....Amen