Jace
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Bowling Birthday Bash!
Here it begins:
But somewhere in the middle (eh-hem...)he gets restless, wanting comfort of mom:
Then the fun really begins:
My baby turned 4...hard to believe he's only been home for 6 months!!
A celebration indeed! Not just for Jace's life, but for the Life who gave Himself for Jace!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Jace turns 4, at HOME!!
And so it is....his birthday came on 1/15...as I read through the posts I've written before he came home, I found this one:
• John Chapter 14
Everything I imagined....everything I dreamed about with Jace has come to fruition these past 5 months. I love him so much--can't imagine life without him--Thanks be to God who made it ALL come true!!!!
Home
Nick: “Mommy? Can you hold me tighter?”
Me: “Sure buddy, I’d love to.”
I wrap my arm around his little body and pull him closer. I love snuggling with my little boy. Most parents can’t sleep with toddlers. They kick you, punch you…talk in their sleep. Their small bodies are like the hands of a clock. Always turning-winding themselves around your bed. Sometimes, while fast asleep, you’ll feel the pounding of two toddler feet smack in the middle of the back.
Nick: “Mommy?”
Me: “Hmm?”
My eyes are feeling very heavy at this point. I really do not want to talk. All day we talk. We argue. We negotiate. It’s exhausting. Now, I don’t want to do anything but sleep.
Nick: “Mommy, I really want you to hold me tighter”.
Me: (yawning) “Ok, Buddy.”
With that I slide my bottom arm under his pillow where his head is resting. He is quiet now. Within moments I am sweating and uncomfortable. I start to remove my top arm when he quickly reaches for my wrist, locking my arm in his clutch.
Me: “Nick, Buddy...are you afraid?”
Nick: “Yeess”, he says in an almost whine.
Me: “Of what, Honey? Mommy is right here, ” I say convincingly.
Nick: “Of that closet. I’m afraid something will come out of there and get me.”
Me: “Buddy! There’s NOTHING in that closet but mommy’s clothes. How in the
world could mommy’s clothes get you?”
Nick: “Uh-huh, Mom…something’s in there. It’s scares me.”
Me: “Honey, nothing will ever come and get you. Not out of that closet and not in this house, ok? Your mommy is right here. You are completely safe.”
As I lay there waiting for him to fall asleep, I wonder where that fear came from. Did he watch something on tv? A cartoon, perhaps? This is a new fear of his. It’s never been an issue before.
A little later I notice a heavier, more rhythmic breathing. I can finally remove that upper arm that is starting to tingle now-or at least I thought I could. Slowly, I start to withdraw but he retaliates, even in sleep, quickly grabbing my arm and tucking it back under his side.
How does a child sense, while sleeping, that he is no longer safe because he is not wrapped in his momma’s arms? How does his body react to again find that safe place? I read once that if you put a newborn in bed with his mother-even a short distance away from her body-that newborn will eventually wriggle its way back to her nurturing breast.* It’s not only a safe clutch…it’s home. Not the physical structure where we live, or go to everyday after work or school. No. This is more than that. Our God given senses tell us where home is. Home is intangible. It is a deep sense of love, of belonging, of family.
What about Jace? What is home for Jace? There are no warm bodies lying next to him at night stroking his cheek or kissing his head. There is no mothers’ neck in which to nestle him into a restful sleep. No smell of her skin, or hum from her lips. What is his home? Is it the flicker of the flouresant lighting he sees over his crib? Is it the hustle of a crowded playroom filled with multicolored toys? Or maybe the routine of mealtime scheduled precisely on a specific hour.
That is not the home I want for my son. I want him here, with me-with us. I want him to be part of this exhausting, talking all day, arguing, negotiating family. I want to see him smile. I want to see him playing with his brother and sister. I want to wrestle him into the bathtub and convince him that I will always win at ‘it’s time to brush your teeth’. I want to be there at bedtime. But mostly, I want him to fall asleep in the comforting arms of his momma. I want him home.
Home. I know what it is here on this earth- the overflow of safety and love -the gentleness of a comforting touch. But there is one much larger scale of my instinctual definition of ‘home’. Only this home is not intangible. This home is a Promise that God gives us-a place that He has prepared for us. * One that waits with open arms, a loving embrace, and a grip unbreakable. An incomprehensible awe.
Lord, as I prepare a home for Jace, let it be one that is emulated by your Son, Jesus Christ. Let it be abundant in Love and Grace. Let your arms of Protection embrace us…Your Light and Word direct us…Let Peace dwell in our hearts forever until you call us Home…
References:
• /www.thebabyswebsite.com/what-babies-know/babies-know-how-to-find-theirc-mother-s-breast-and-how-to-feed-themselves.html
I wrap my arm around his little body and pull him closer. I love snuggling with my little boy. Most parents can’t sleep with toddlers. They kick you, punch you…talk in their sleep. Their small bodies are like the hands of a clock. Always turning-winding themselves around your bed. Sometimes, while fast asleep, you’ll feel the pounding of two toddler feet smack in the middle of the back.
Nick: “Mommy?”
Me: “Hmm?”
My eyes are feeling very heavy at this point. I really do not want to talk. All day we talk. We argue. We negotiate. It’s exhausting. Now, I don’t want to do anything but sleep.
Nick: “Mommy, I really want you to hold me tighter”.
Me: (yawning) “Ok, Buddy.”
With that I slide my bottom arm under his pillow where his head is resting. He is quiet now. Within moments I am sweating and uncomfortable. I start to remove my top arm when he quickly reaches for my wrist, locking my arm in his clutch.
Me: “Nick, Buddy...are you afraid?”
Nick: “Yeess”, he says in an almost whine.
Me: “Of what, Honey? Mommy is right here, ” I say convincingly.
Nick: “Of that closet. I’m afraid something will come out of there and get me.”
Me: “Buddy! There’s NOTHING in that closet but mommy’s clothes. How in the
world could mommy’s clothes get you?”
Nick: “Uh-huh, Mom…something’s in there. It’s scares me.”
Me: “Honey, nothing will ever come and get you. Not out of that closet and not in this house, ok? Your mommy is right here. You are completely safe.”
As I lay there waiting for him to fall asleep, I wonder where that fear came from. Did he watch something on tv? A cartoon, perhaps? This is a new fear of his. It’s never been an issue before.
A little later I notice a heavier, more rhythmic breathing. I can finally remove that upper arm that is starting to tingle now-or at least I thought I could. Slowly, I start to withdraw but he retaliates, even in sleep, quickly grabbing my arm and tucking it back under his side.
How does a child sense, while sleeping, that he is no longer safe because he is not wrapped in his momma’s arms? How does his body react to again find that safe place? I read once that if you put a newborn in bed with his mother-even a short distance away from her body-that newborn will eventually wriggle its way back to her nurturing breast.* It’s not only a safe clutch…it’s home. Not the physical structure where we live, or go to everyday after work or school. No. This is more than that. Our God given senses tell us where home is. Home is intangible. It is a deep sense of love, of belonging, of family.
What about Jace? What is home for Jace? There are no warm bodies lying next to him at night stroking his cheek or kissing his head. There is no mothers’ neck in which to nestle him into a restful sleep. No smell of her skin, or hum from her lips. What is his home? Is it the flicker of the flouresant lighting he sees over his crib? Is it the hustle of a crowded playroom filled with multicolored toys? Or maybe the routine of mealtime scheduled precisely on a specific hour.
That is not the home I want for my son. I want him here, with me-with us. I want him to be part of this exhausting, talking all day, arguing, negotiating family. I want to see him smile. I want to see him playing with his brother and sister. I want to wrestle him into the bathtub and convince him that I will always win at ‘it’s time to brush your teeth’. I want to be there at bedtime. But mostly, I want him to fall asleep in the comforting arms of his momma. I want him home.
Home. I know what it is here on this earth- the overflow of safety and love -the gentleness of a comforting touch. But there is one much larger scale of my instinctual definition of ‘home’. Only this home is not intangible. This home is a Promise that God gives us-a place that He has prepared for us. * One that waits with open arms, a loving embrace, and a grip unbreakable. An incomprehensible awe.
Lord, as I prepare a home for Jace, let it be one that is emulated by your Son, Jesus Christ. Let it be abundant in Love and Grace. Let your arms of Protection embrace us…Your Light and Word direct us…Let Peace dwell in our hearts forever until you call us Home…
References:
• /www.thebabyswebsite.com/what-babies-know/babies-know-how-to-find-theirc-mother-s-breast-and-how-to-feed-themselves.html
Everything I imagined....everything I dreamed about with Jace has come to fruition these past 5 months. I love him so much--can't imagine life without him--Thanks be to God who made it ALL come true!!!!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Tangled Mess
So I decided to hang the curtains and try to untangle the endless, chaotic bound strands of beads. And so it goes...2 hours into it...turns 4 hours...6 hours...no, I wouldn't give up....8 hours! In one day? Yes, 8 hours and it was still mayhem. But I'll get to that...Now, those of you who know me, know that I have NO patience. NO ties to material things. Not even pets. I could love something for 3 weeks and it's on Craig's List on week 4. Believe me, I hear flack about it all the time. It's just who I am. Except for these dang beads. I LOVE them...
So here I am am, hour after hour, gingerly trying to undo damage- strand after strand--only to end up in the same center of complicated mess. I just couldn't get to the artery of the center. I cussed, prayed, cussed and prayed (go ahead, judge me). It wasn't working. I walked away NUMEROUS times. But something GOOD did come out of it. In between the whining, cussing, and praying...I thought about the tangled web of strands and the adorned beads, and how that MUST reflect us in God's eyes. Here we are in this world...the choices we make, the turns we take....it can lead to chaos, can't it? It can lead to mayhem. It's a tangled mess at times. But a tangled mess of loveliness to God. No matter how ugly we are--he adores us and calls us beautiful in His eyes. His hands are gentle ones trying to defend....trying to guide each bead (path). And just when He fixes a strand, we take another turn. His hands gently untangle us, but we are headstrong...we don't listen, we don't hear. We push...push through what? MORE chaos. But He is faithful. He is patient. And He waits. He waits for us to surrender. Surrender. Think about that. How many times have you wandered through 'the wilderness' before you realized that you NEED the hands of God? NEED the gentle loving provision of He who created you?
But there IS hope for those of us that love the Lord. There is hope for we that persevere. For those of us (me) that think they can take the lead in life...STOP...let the gentle hands of the Lord untangle your life. Let Him sit back and smile when He knows you have surrendered to Him. I promise you that the end result of patient, tender, loving, working hands...that LOVE the one that belongs to Him-will be straightened out. Emulating an array of BEAUTY that will display LOVELINESS throughout their lives...
3 days. 3 Days it took of gentle handling. 3 days of sore fingertips. 3 days of not giving up. The end result was worth it to me. Maybe it's not beautiful to you, but to me...Ahhhh....it's done. Just think what it means to our Creator....How many days has God been patient with you? hah...will you surrender?
Yea, yea, I know this blog is about Jace, so here are a few pictures of what made me stop and laugh when I was so aggravated...
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